Dog Wars

This post is not about the dysfunctional system in the suburbs but about DOGS and the menace they create.Though dubbed man's best friend i prefer to keep my distance from them.I had a terrible confrontation with a Alsatian once and lost four kilos from my thigh.Due to the gore involved in the incident i will refrain from going into the details.So this particular incident in my 8th grade changed me from being a dog lover to a paranoid human petrified of anything that has sharp teeth,nails(vinod)claws.I stay away from untamed dogs,cats and strays as much as possible.

Its been four years since i have moved into the suburbs and the biggest problem i had ,besides adjusting to the new environment ,was that of adjusting to the martial law of the dogs in my street.Seriously...after 10 'o clock the curfew begins and the dogs take over the street.It is impossible to move around without them snarling menacingly at you.It is a risk i normally do not take.

Having a lot of free time to kill i began to name them...

1) Black beast -big fucking dog...as big as a Pig...forgot to mention..the territory is also shared by pigs also. i think he is the alpha male

2) Scarface --This dog was subjected to gruesome tests by some mad scientist living nearby i reckon,because this dog's face is distorted in the most ugly way which would make Scarface(from 'the Texas chain saw massacre ) look elegant. ***Menaka Gandhi are you reading this???

3)Fucked---this dog convinced me that someone's sexual orientation in my neighborhood was on psychotic lines.

4)Big Bad Brownie and 5)Spots.


These were the ruling dogs in my street...what is their lifestyle....?? Fuck around the entire day...howl in the night ...fight with the dogs from the next lane..and bite the occasional postman or the courier guy...

I made my peace with the dogs in the first week i shifted to the suburbs by offering them biscuits and i stay away from them as much as possible.If i am late..i ask my dad to pick me up from the railway station nearby to avoid any confrontation.
Who said dogs were cute and cuddly.....??? They should have a look at the dogs ruling my streets.......i hear from the society that they are planning to remove the gurkha,because his job is easily taken over by these "best-friends of man"....wait wait....i can hear the gurkha wailing in the background...think he got his pink slip...or did he get mauled by Big bad Brownie?????

Australian tourist Q&A

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.

They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks(Sweden)?

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay?

(UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in

Australia?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in themiddle of the Pacific which does not

... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get

here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?

(USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can

Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.

All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains ofanyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.

Can you tell me where I can sell it inAustralia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the

Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help?

(USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

I don't know if they were really posted in the website,But the stuff was just too good and so i had to post it.

P.S:: I got this as a mail.