Australian tourist Q&A

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.

They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks(Sweden)?

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay?

(UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in

Australia?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in themiddle of the Pacific which does not

... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get

here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?

(USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can

Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.

All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains ofanyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.

Can you tell me where I can sell it inAustralia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the

Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help?

(USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

I don't know if they were really posted in the website,But the stuff was just too good and so i had to post it.

P.S:: I got this as a mail.

My [S]Crap will go on.

The following 'song'/poem was featured in a scrap book requesting for 'Fraanship' and it was dubbed as the Orkut Song.. :O . A small indication of how desperate and innovative these people have become......

Every Time in My Orkut
I See You. I Scrap You.
That is how I know You go on.
Far Across the Scrap Book
And Testimonials Between us
You have come to Show Yourself "Single".
Near, Far, wherever You are
I believe that the Friends list does go on
Once More You logged on
And You're Here in My Scrap Book
And My Scrap Book will go on and on
Testimonials can Touch Us One Time
And Last for Sometime
And Never let go till we're Friends
Love was when I saw Your Friends list
There is Some Amazing Profile that will not
go away
One true time I Hold to
In My Life I'll Surely View Her/His Profile
You're Here, There's so Much to Fear,
And I Know That My Friend will Know I checked her/him out
We'll Stay Forever this way
You are Safe in My Friends List
And My Friends list will goes on and on



Why??? Why??? why this irresistible craving to have random slapdash friends of the opposite sex is beyond the realm of my imagination.

Whatever may be the reason...they are helping me to have a good laugh and provide some respite from boredom....sheesh.......

Blog Noted :D

I was ranting and cribbing about how my blog does not feature in the Blogs of note.But the last few days have been different.I have actually come to know that a lot of people are actually reading my blog and all those profile visits did not include my clicks... :D

A random comment from a unknown person,a friend's call just to say that he had read my blog,a few scraps from other online friends and a couple of anonymous comments...!! who cares if my blog does not feature in the Blogger Blogs of note...I remember Sindhu's comment..."Blog forth.Blog for yourself " :) how true...I realized i have my regulars and i needn't be worried about the hits...(Unless i have ADSENSE in the blog..which i think will feature in some time..sheesh the greedy human mind...)

Thank you all..My Blog has been NOTED :)


P.S About the anonymous comments.....Great..!!! i have had my imagination running wild,i am hoping that it is a sexy and shy girl who has had secret crush on me for a long time and has been following my activities since i was in high school....aaaaaha(with closed eyes and blissful smile)..how i wish that was true...

Trying for Poetic licence..

Poems...self proclaimed poets...!! aaargh....they are everywhere in blogspot.Any desi blog you click and voila..!! Poems and poets screaming about everything from love to politics,war and even inanimate objects.War...that seems to be the "in" theme to write about.Its not that i hate poetry,actually i enjoy poems.Its just that every time i see a blog dedicated to poems it kinda makes me feel bad that i have not tried it..yet... :D


So here goes ..

MY FIRST POEM


With the cursor blinking and my eyes twinkling ,

I stared into the screen actually blinking,

Disgusted that i dont have any inkling

towards writing poetry...


Jesus Christ..i will stop..i am pathetic at this...and my skill level at poetry is on par to that of a retarded chimpanzee.I accept defeat and concede that poets are truly great and it requires lots of skill to write poetry.

Incidentally, a poem by T.S Elliot is what made me start this blog..Probably i will give it a better attempt next time or mooch of a poem from the Web and pass it off as mine ... ;)

Buy Nothing Day---BND

Buy Nothing Day is an informal day of protest against consumerism observed by social activists. In 2007, Buy Nothing Day falls on November 23rd in North America and November 24th internationally. It was founded by Vancouver artist Ted Dave and subsequently promoted by the Canadian Adbusters magazine.

The first Buy Nothing Day was organized in Vancouver in September of 1992 "as a day for society to examine the issue of over-consumption." In 1997, it was moved to the Friday after American Thanksgiving, which is one of the top 10 busiest shopping days in the United States. Outside of North America, Buy Nothing Day is celebrated on the following Saturday. Despite controversies, Adbusters managed to advertise Buy Nothing Day on CNN, but many other major television networks declined to air their ads.Soon, campaigns started appearing in United States, the United Kingdom, Israel, Germany, New Zealand, Japan, the Netherlands, and Norway. Participation now includes more than 65 nations.

While critics of the day charge that Buy Nothing Day simply causes participants to buy the next day, Adbusters states that it "isn't just about changing your habits for one day" but "about starting a lasting lifestyle commitment to consuming less and producing less waste."

Where does India feature in this???(I have no idea,thats why i asked you). I came across this event in of the international blogs.Their main motive is a BUY NOTHING CHRISTMAS. Imagine a BUY NOTHING DIWALI..! India will be in tatters,riots and pickets will be the order of the day.

I have no personal view on the entire issue,its just another day in which i will definitely buy lots of cigarettes and refrain from buying expensive Gucci,Armani apparels,Ray-Ban glares,Rodenstock frames,Hugo Boss perfumes,Lacoste belts,Rolex watches,Calvin Klein underware and Porsche cars which i buy every day.

Talking about consumerism i remember this dialog from FIGHT CLUB(one of my fav movies) where Tyler(Pitt) convinces the Narrator on the evils of consumerism..

Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything
Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khaki's

You have to give up, you have to give up
You have to realize that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless

I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever arts
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may

Food for thought????

Below is my desktop wallpaper.

Want to buy some Soap??


*Partial content from Wikipedia*

P.S It was obvious wasn't it? I'd have to sell my vital organs to learn to write like that with all the facts.



This is the BND link.Visit them and learn more about how not to spend the cash you earned on stuff that you covet but find no real use for them in your day -to- day life.

Mission -partly accomplished....

Yeah..!!! Success tastes GOOD.... :D. As you may notice i have successfully integrated a HTML chat code into the blog....HA...i did it all by myself ..!! (if you don count Ron from orkut who sent me the link).Well,what ever...i have done something 'innovative' by my standards...and it makes me feel good.....

*sheesh....what all lame stuff i have to do to reassure myself that my Engg Deg is not just a piece of paper*

Quest for the elusive template

i was browsing through the internet and i found a lot of good blogs which were very snazzy,glitzy and simply awesome.I looked at my template and thought i could add a few more stuff to the blog so that it is more attractive to the non existent reader (if you notice this blog has only about 90 views of which 85 are by me, checking for spelling mistakes etc after i post them.So.. i am not pretentious about the blog)There were some with really cool backgrounds and awesome fonts.I couldn't believe the amount of time and energy the bloggers spend.So i decided to add a bit more glitz to the blog by 'adopting' a new template and discarding my good old[?] MINIMA (which by the way sounds like the name of my previous servant maid :D)

Did i succeed??? OBVIOUSLY NO..!! Else you would have been looking at a flashy new template with Monica Belluci in the back ground flaunting her heavenly curves (Seriously..i tried to get this back ground but in vain). It turned out to be a tougher job than i thought it was.First i had to find a nice template(this is the easy part as google helps out :D ). Then comes the part where i have to change the back ground to a picture of my choice.It took a while for me to find out how to do that.In order to change the picture i needed an account in photo bucket,then upload the picture in 17" size,the copy the URL,paste it in the Script,copy the script and paste it in the template after choosing "revert to classic style".

Did i get the desired result??? NO..the picture i chose was of a very small size so the blog became spliched. Half of it in the picture and the rest in a blank background.I started to miss my MINIMA...By the time i realized i couldn't do it, four hours had gone by.

I was a bit hurt by the entire episode,being a IT graduate i couldn't change a simple HTML code to suit my needs.A small voice inside me creaked for the entire night and i couldn't sleep.It hurts when the bubble called ego is burst.But hey what the heck...i am happy with my MINIMA(i meant the template ;) ) and i dont want to cluster my blog with bullshit(incidentally isn't this blog about bullshit??? Ed overrules the argument).If i want to see Monica Belluci she is always there for me in my desktop...why again in the blog..?? Reassuring myself that this is trivial issue to lose faith in myself,i went to bed...then i remembered something i read when i was six years old.....the story of "The Fox and the sour grapes "......

FUCK YOU CONSCIENCE....i am still writing about it....and i will definitely learn how to custom make a template...!